i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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