OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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