smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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