just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
