Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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