he thought i was a dude.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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