ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
