if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize