She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
