if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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