afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
should my penis look like a turkey
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
