I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
