Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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