Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize