I puked a lego.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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