Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
