Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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