I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize