Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
