My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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