Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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