Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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