you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
