I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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