i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize