Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
