I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
