Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
