Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
