I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
