I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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