I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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