Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
