When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
