I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
