Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The ass gains better be worth it
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