ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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