Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
