break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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