Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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