Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
