You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
