Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
