Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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