I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
