So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
