Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
