i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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