The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
