you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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