The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
