i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
zippers are such a cool invention
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize