college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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