i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
