Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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