I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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