okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
