You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
