i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
