There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's like iHOP with fire
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
