yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Even my vagina gasped.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
