We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize