According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
