Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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