Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
