Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
