C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
