she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
