you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
