Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize