why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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