I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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