your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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