you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
