you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
