Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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