i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
