Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
