We won't sleep together?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
