I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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