went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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