I hate all girls vehemently.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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