so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
