apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
