haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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