Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
