please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
