you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
