I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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