My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
