My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
