I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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