I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
