I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Houston, we have a blender
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
