Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
