Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Come on in and take your pants off
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