I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
