If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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