The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
