I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
