your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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