we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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