Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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