RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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