sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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