Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
