Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
