Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
