I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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