a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
