Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
