she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
