My hand turned me down
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
